The Vampire, Part III

I mentioned in my last post that my first date with the Vampire was probably my best first date ever, and if you erase all the fuckery that ensued, I can take some positive lessons out of that one evening.  Because I realized this blog is supposed to house the positive and negative and so far it has included only bad if not horrifying stories.

The Date:

We met at a fairly high profile restaurant and the first thing he did when he saw me was complement my appearance (+2 points).  He was also right on time (+1 point), which is big in my book as I’ve spent more time than I care to calculate waiting on Johnny Come Latelies because I am obsessively on time.

You’ll have to bear with me because this date was over a year ago so it isn’t fresh on my mind.  What sticks out, though, is that he was interested in my life.  He asked me questions about where I’d lived and worked previously, my interests, etc, etc.  Why is this such a big deal, you ask?  Great question.  The One couldn’t even be bothered to remember my birthday or where I went to undergrad and we were involved for two plus years.  But that’s fine.  So anyway, when the Vampire showed genuine interest in those things plus MORE, I was elated.  Doesn’t take much, apparently.

In addition to the steady flow of conversation, witty banter, and overall good time, he picked up the check and then walked me home.  So cute and chivalrous.  And then texted me about how much fun he had and how he was looking forward to the next time we hung out (and we’d already scheduled the next date).  How ludicrous of me to think he was actually interested.

It is easy to appreciate fun dates like this when the majority of yours are something like the following:

-You forgot to exchange cell numbers and one of you shows up 20 minutes late (okay me), then when the date ends, instead of using the rest room in the restaurant like a normal person, your date literally sprints away from you to pee in the woods.  And then blocks you on IM.  Even though you never tried to contact him after the date.

-Your date turns out to be gay.

-Your date, while perfectly nice, has the personality of a stop sign, so one hour feels like five and you finally have to make up an excuse about how your roommate is so hungover she can’t move and you need to go home and take care of her.

-Sorry, but I’m a height snob, so if you’re shorter than me, I am going to feel uncomfortable no matter how nice you are.

-Your date is not fun or interesting, wears brown pants with black shoes, creeps out the couple you beg to come with you just in case, and then stalks you online for over a year even though you tell him you don’t want to see him anymore.

-He tells you he’s taking you to a bar, but really means “strip club.”

-You go on a date, he tells you he had a great time and can’t wait to see you again, then changes his Facebook status to “in a relationship” … with someone else.

But the worst out of all of these is probably when you do have the best date EVER and it turns into a sham.  Or your in love with someone who won’t even TAKE you on a date because he couldn’t care less.  Or you really like someone who turns out to be married, but they never told you.

The fun never ends!

The Vampire, cont…

So, I realized this blog was supposed to be about good AND bad dating stories and so far it only includes the horrifying.  I’m sitting here trying to think of a good story and I can’t.  Literally cannot.  Dates make me so uncomfortable.  I hate going on them.  I’m always super self conscious and nervous so therefore can’t be myself.  The One never actually even TOOK me on a date but even when we were out in groups I was so afraid he wouldn’t like me that I would become a completely different person.

I would actually say the best date I ever had was my first one with the Vampire, which apparently turned out not to be one because he was dating someone else.  Yeah, I’m that awesome.

I have been going through old e-mails and chats I had with him and they were ridiculous.  He actually emailed me a picture of himself in his boxers AFTER he told me he was dating other people and just wanted to be friends.  But that didn’t stop him from wanting to add me to his apparent collection of pictures from girls dumb enough to send them.  Then I stopped talking to him until he groveled.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Here is an actual excerpt from one of our convos:

I think fuck buddies should have a few more degrees of separation than you and I do.  If we didn’t know each other as well as we do, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. But hanging out + fuck buddies = dating.

Less than a week earlier: I’m sick and can’t come over to make you feel good after your long day.

So you can understand my confusion, yes?

Meet the Vampire

You know those people who just flat-out suck the life out of you? Well, I have more than one guy in mind that this could apply to, but the reason I chose the one I did is because he is simply the one that left me the most dumbfounded and confused and exHAUSTED.

I don’t remember the first time I met the Vampire. He was on my roommate’s softball team (you know, the co-ed rec league ones) and also was the co-worker of one of my good friends. Apparently he came to one of our apartment parties but I was so drunk I didn’t remember actually meeting him. A few weeks after the party he friend requested me on Facebook and I almost ignored it until I realized we had mutual friends and I’d probably met him at some point.

A few weeks after the party we “met” at, we attended a mutual friend’s going away party and spent the night flirting (of course at 2am I was summoned by The One and went running because I am a weak, weak person but we were all on our way home anyway).

After that, the Vampire started texting & e-mailing me on a semi-regular basis. We went out a few times and each night would end the same: he’d take me home, kiss me on the neck, leave, and immediately text me to tell me how much fun he had. Um, what? I know, I shouldn’t talk, since I was emotionally hung up on The One and kind of tangled in another web so it wasn’t like the Vampire was my sole focus either. But all the rule books say he either likes you or he doesn’t and there is no gray area and I would very much like to argue that this qualifies as a gray area. And the other web I was tangled in was of the long-distance variety so the Vampire, of the three, was the most “available” to me (physically in the same city; not an emotional sadist…at that point).

One night at dinner we started talking about movies and he was completely shocked and horrified that I’d never seen Goonies, which, I mean…sorry? He suggested movie night at his place the following weekend. I immediately ran home and gushed to my roommate about how I couldn’t wait for our first kiss because I just KNEW it was going to be great.

The night BEFORE movie night, the Vampire texted me and told me he had canceled his plans for the evening and wanted to do movie night a day early. I politely declined because I’d already made plans and you can’t expect me to drop everything when I’m seeing you the next day…or can you? The Vampire seemed insulted and spent the day “copping a ‘tude” as they say, until he figured out I refused to play his passive aggressive chess game of dating. That alone should have given me check mate…ladies, am I right?

I am not right. He regained the power the next night when we watch the Goonies, among other movies. And our first kiss turned out to be horrible because he said I was too aggressive. If I recall, I had accidentally smacked him in the forehead when I was reaching across him for something and he informed me I was supposed to make it up to him. In any case, the subsequent kisses were better but when I told him I wasn’t spending the night he promptly (and somewhat predictably) fell off the radar for the next two weeks. He was elusive in emails, dodging my what the hell is going on questions until he decided to inform me that “every girl is looking for a serious relationship and I’m not.” So then I stopped speaking to him. Until Halloween. When apparently all is forgiven and we have a sleepover? Then he disappears again.

A month or two goes by. He reappears and asks me why I’m mad at him. Wants to “clear the air.” Note to self: don’t go to a BAR to clear the air because it only makes things worse.

After we talked, things didn’t change at all. So in a bold move one night, I deleted him as a friend on Facebook. He then starts to barrage me with emails, BAFFLED as to why I would do such a thing. It came down to him apologizing for hurting me, then continuing to hurt me. (Why I couldn’t do this with The One, you ask? Great question. When I figure that one out I will respond promptly).

The Vampire and I eventually moved on and became friends again, just in time for him to be in a serious relationship.

So he pursued me as if he wanted a relationship when in actuality he was dating someone else the ENTIRE TIME, which I didn’t find out until we were on the phone one day and the following conversation ensued:
Him: I’m really irritated at a girl I was dating over the fall.
Me: Wasn’t that me…?
Him: Oh, no no no, we didn’t date.

Great. Glad we cleared that one up. I need a nap.