Awkward Moments

So, the Vampire has a girlfriend now, one whom he is madly in love with.  She played the whole game correctly.  Where as I let him get away with being blatantly inappropriate all the time because I thought it was funny, she made him chase her.  Chase her the way Lindsay Lohan would chase an 8-ball or Jennifer Aniston would chase a husband, he CHASED her.  And finally, she relented, and the reason I know this is because he told me this one Saturday afternoon over beers when he then added, “I can’t fathom feeling this way about someone I haven’t slept with,” then proceeded to add how “off” our physical chemistry was.  I kind of sat there completely dumbfounded as to why he was telling me all of this, especially because he then proceeded to lecture me about Wedding Guy even though he has NO room to judge me for anything.

It’s hard to take a person seriously who is telling you that you deserve better after they’ve treated you like complete garbage.  I actually wanted to deck him but that’s not very ladylike.   Of all the profoundly inappropriate things he said to me, I think the worst was when he said he didn’t even remember us hooking up because he was so drunk.  Which I think was an exaggeration because I don’t remember him being THAT drunk, but that’s fine.

Anyway, the Vampire’s girlfriend inexplicably sent me an Evite for his birthday party a few weeks ago.  I went and dragged two friends with me and we all wound up loving her.  So much, in fact that we were wondering if we should stage an intervention with her because she could do so much better.  But I saw him with her and treating her the way she deserved to be treated, so once the nausea kicked in, I was ready to leave.  Really, my sole purpose of going was to meet this girl who was apparently so fabulous, and she was, and also so skinny I could have broken her over my knee.  But that’s mean.

She thanked me profusely for coming and told me how happy she was to “finally” meet me, so I deduced the Vampire had not told her what had actually gone on between us or she wouldn’t have been so nice.  Or maybe she would have…who knows.  But he was a completely different person around her:  sweet, affectionate, attentive.  The most affection I ever got out of him in public was him trying to unhook my bra in a bar (and I wish I was kidding, and yes I elbowed him in the stomach for that one).

Here’s the thing:  As wrong as he was for me, he taught me a valuable lesson.  Don’t act like a big hooch right away.  Try to seem at least a LITTLE wholesome before you start having pickup line wars via text message.  It can only lead to bad things.